Harry Potter and the 4 Horsemen of the Apocralypse
by Twist
Summary: I got the idea while reading Frog Fad's 'The Unlikely Harry Potter.' The title was in there and I was just like; 'Woah, cool . . .' and so I wrote it. The title sums it up pretty well, I think. Harry-kins, and the Four Horsemen.


Harry Potter and the Four Horsemen of the Apocralypse

By: Twist

A/n: Yes, yes, you did read the title correctly. It is really 'Apocralypse.' *sigh* I seem to have been spoiled by the endless reviews I get from the fanfic-deprived people in the Discworld section. I only got one review on my last Harry Potter fanfic, though, which is pretty pathetic. Don't disappoint me this time, people.

Anyway, I got the idea off'f Frog Fad's 'Unlikely Harry Potter Titles' (or something to that effect). So, I beg of thee to read, laugh, and review.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. The 'Apocralypse' belongs to one Terry Pratchett and Harry belongs to J.K. Rowling. The Four Horsemen, I suppose, belong to themselves. Binky, however, does belong to Death.

***

Harry Potter was strolling around the Hogwarts grounds, thinking to himself. This is indeed a rare occurrence, as Harry hasn't two brain cells to rub together. This, however, is somewhat irrelevant to our story, so I beg of you to forget that.

As was metioned, Harry was out on a bit of a stroll one sunny spring morning. He was watching the bushes suspiciously lest Voldemort leapt out of them and declared war upon Hogwarts. It seemed, though, that Harry was going to have a Voldemort-free morning.

As Harry approached Hagrid's Hut, he noticed a creature in the adjacent paddock. Hoping it was not one of Hagrid's experiments, Harry approached cautiously. It was, in fact, a completely harmless beast. A great white stallion, in fact; grazing on the rich grass. Closer to the back of the paddock Harry noticed three other animals of the equine persuasion. One appeared well-muscled and strong, another malnourished and the last appeared (and there was no other word for it) diseased. Harry decided to ask Hagrid why there were two fine animals and two nags in his paddock.

"Hagrid?" Harry quite rudely opened the door and posed the question. Inside, there was feeling of cold and against all reason, greasy air. This was impossible, Harry was sure. Four figures looked up. None of them were Hagrid.

_And who would you be, boy? one of the creatures oozed. In the vaguely human for, Harry realized that whoever it was appeared very ill. The runny nose, crusted eyes, and peeling skin only hinted at further problems this creature may harbor._

"I'm – I'm Harry Potter," Harry said rather nervously. The tall, black-cloaked figure was beginning to frighten him.

"Harry Potter, Harry Potter. Now why would I remember that name?" One of the supposed men was talking to himself. He tapped the chin-like region of his helmet with one armored finger. "Ah, yes. The boy who put the war of Dark and Light on hold, am I right?"

Harry nodded. "I suppose so," he said nervously. "Excuse me, but could you tell me who you are? Only this is my friend's hut and I'm not sure he'll be at all happy about you being here."

"He won't mind," said the third, stuffing his face full of some of Hagrid's rock cakes. "We tend not to cause large amounts of speculation, sort of thing. And as to our identities, they are not important to you. Except perhaps his." The thin one pointed a bony finger at the quiet, black-robed figure. This one had not moved nor spoken since Harry's arrival.

_We are here to see your Professor Dumbledore, one explained. __Though our comrade here was a bit hungry and we stopped for awhile. We also needed a place for the animals. He gestured outside with a sickly hand. __I hope you don't mind._

"Oh, I don't mind at all," Harry said quickly, still eyeing the silent figure. "I'm just not sure about Hagrid. He might not take kindly to your friend eating his rock cakes, either."

"They're bloody awful anyway," said the thin one, eating another. "Even I can't manage to eat the fudge, though. There are things even Anthropomorphic Personi – Ow!"_ He was cut off rather abruptly, though Harry was unsure why._

"Our friend here has a hard time knowing when to shut up, I'm afraid," the armor-clad one said brusquely. "It may be good for him to fill his mouth with food, perhaps."

"I mean, honestly, even starving people in China wouldn't eat this. Ow! What do you keep bloody doing that for?" He glared angrily at the one in armor. Receiving a look that Harry couldn't interpret, the thin one began to eat again.

The man who was obviously ill cleared his throat, relieving it of the burden of tons of mucus and filth*. _Perhaps you are knowing enough to tell us where your Headmaster is right now? It is not a matter of terrible importance, but it must be seen to today. He coughed and looked at Harry hopefully. Harry was about to reply, when the fourth spoke._

IT IS A MATTER OF IMPORTANCE, I'M AFRAID. FINISH, FAMINE, AND WE WILL GO. I KNOW WHERE DUMBLEDORE RESIDES.

Harry gaped. The voice had been so deep, and dark, and frightening. He'd never heard anything like it, nor was he sure he would ever hear it again.

The four men finished and left. The one who would speak in italics, if it were possible, oozed out first followed by the armor-clad comrade who clanked behind. The thin one was third and stopped to ask Harry something before he left.

"Would you happen to know how to reach the kitchens?"

Harry explained in a daze, his mouth operating without input from his mind. The thin man nodded, and left. Finally the fourth walked by, his feet clicking on the woodwork as he walked. Harry made the mistake of looking up, and saw what he had not wanted to see. If it was possible, the eye sockets glowed a friendly blue, perhaps the equivalent of a smile, before the fourth Horseman left.

BY THE WAY, YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO KNOW HOW TO PLAY HIGHWAY, OR IS IT CANAL? DAM . . .

***

Back in the dormitories, Harry approached Hermione very cautiously. "Hermione," he asked somewhat nervously, "you wouldn't happen to read Terry Pratchett, would you?"

"Yes, Harry. I do, in fact. Would you like one of his books? I may have one with me . . ."

"Please, is it Thief of Time?"

"Yes . . . Are you a fan?"

"No, I just need to look some people up.

***

*Or so it sounded, anyway.

END

~*~

A/n: A bit stupid, eh? Yes, yes, I know I didn't include Kaos, bad Twist. Anyway, review and tell me if you liked it. Although, if you haven't read Terry Pratchett you probably wouldn't have gotten it, now would you? Just remember, I only love you if you review.


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